I have been sitting in front of this page trying to find the words that would articulate what I have been experiencing in this last month. The truth is that it is not easy to put into words the transformational experience that the breath is bringing me on. It is not only related to the daily practice, the weekly breathwork, the books you read and the course you study. These are the simple, beautiful and easy to put into word aspects of this journey. I guess what I am trying to word out, to express, is this indescribable experience behind the veil, the interconnectivity of it all.
I can personally say that my journey is experiential, so the breath teaches me through experiences. This last month, I pushed myself, I hit a wall, I ran into it two or three times actually, before getting the lesson. I have been doing CCB, twice a day for over a month now, and my body was fighting it every morning and evening. Still, even through this discomfort, I tried to put my head down and get through it.
Not until I read Dan Brulé, Just Breathe, book, and tried out his coherence breath practice did I start to get the message, learn my lesson. I needed to experience something soft, gentle and that still would trigger a feeling of growth. Yet the Universe had more in store for me. A few days after this change in routine, I received the invitation for two full CCB sessions, two days in a row, right as the last full moon of the year was setting. The intention I had for myself was to surrender. Jeez Louise, I wasn’t disappointed. It was two very challenging session that released and showed me a lot.
Reflecting on it, it is funny how we learn certain lessons in life. In these two breathwork sessions, I discovered that I can still grow energetically without pushing, without grinding. This mentality that has been part of me for quite some time, has been very beneficial, but in certain moments, moments like now, I am and was creating my own resistance that I had to go through. I was fighting myself, I was in my own way.
l the importance of it. I have always integrated by continuing to do my daily practices, by continuing to push, to activate my system. I am not sure I could even call it conscious integration. I am discovering, with great resistance, the immense potential for transformation that comes by consciously doing non actions. I believe there is this whole side of ourselves, that I often forget, which, on a cellular, or energetical level, a lot is still always happening within us all the time.
In this last month, creating space for this part of myself, getting out of my own way, is becoming more and more crucial. This relationship between myself and integration is presenting itself with the newfound need to create coherence. What I mean by that is to take back my power, take back my capacity to control the outcome of my experience, to grow, one conscious breath at a time.