I must be honest, I am quite excited and intrigued by what will come out with today’s introspection put into words. I am not trying to write something structured, or trying to express myself. I am here because the dedication and the rewards of sitting down behind my computer and writing down, in somewhat of a flow state, my introspection of these last months brings me so much.
In this last month, I experienced a lot of movement and intensity. I did what I called capsulating… I cram everything that I wanted to do in a short period of time. This allowed me to focus my energy, work, finishing my website, and some social activities, and enjoy my last few days on the island that I call home. It then took me three days to move from this beloved island of mine to land in Canada, seeing family and setting myself up for my next trip that is coming shortly.
Yet again, this month is showing me what I enjoy and what I had challenges with. First of all, I love being busy especially if this is moving me forward and growing my business. But, I am struggling a lot with the clash of neutrality that comes in between two sets. This moment of pause, where I am still growing, still learning and still being productive doesn’t not have the same texture, the same feeling in regards to my own view of rewards.
I want to dive deeper into this… There is an energy here, the lack of doing that has a direct correlation and impact on earning money, even if, ultimately, I am building my business and that I am doing better in this financial quarter than the last, is the catalyst to this pattern. What is this pattern? Like any natural cycle in life, there is a moment of intensity, it decreases and becomes neutral before engaging in that cycle once more. I thrive and love the intensity, the growth. Once it decreases, there are a few days, where, from a mental standpoint I can justify the need and benefit of rest. After these few days, once I hit the neutral phase, that is where I am struggling. I am still working, but the concrete feeling of reward is not present anymore. Interesting… Then comes a feeling of fear and anger, fear coming from doubt and anger coming from a lack of control.
Now, comes the question: What could/can I do about it? Well, hoping you might still be reading, this is the reality, at least mine, of following the thread and origin pattern to be able to break a cycle. Energetically, there is a feeling of lack, lack creating fear or rather fear of lack, yet all evidence shows that I have always been supported on my journey of life. So, theoretically it is an unfounded fear. Now, all that is left for me to do is meditate upon it, go to the root of this feeling and energy within myself and turn the tide, start spinning the wheel of the train in the other direction. If I am here, it is because it is time for me to dive into it. I have the chance to make a choice, and this choice will create a challenge, and this challenge will create an opportunity and this opportunity will create change! This whole process allows me to take responsibility for my own experience, for my own life. Thank you life for showing me the way.