My goal for these blogs is not only to complete the necessary assignment for me to receive my Breathwork Certification. I want to maintain the commitment to myself to write a blog a month to be able to share my own personal journey in this life. I think it is crucial as a facilitator that asks clients to share their journey with me to be able to do the same. I am not here to depict the beauty of every day, but mainly the challenges that I face in regards of growth. In other words, what I am learning from my own personal journey and sharing it.
I now must share about the challenges that I observed last month, that are, I believe, making me see crucial things about my personality and about my own growth. This last month, after doing 3 intense Breathwork sessions, I completely let go of my longer, weekly, breathwork practice. I still have been doing my daily 5-10 minutes of conscious breathing that I now have changed to box breathing. But I have been experiencing so much resistance in even the though of doing a longer Conscious Connected Breathwork, that I have not done one in almost a month now, and as a breathwork facilitator, I think there is something special here to observe. inner child. Sometimes, pushing, grinding has no benefits whatsoever.
This shows a few aspects of my personality… I am someone who lives best in my own structure. Not performing this task that I committed myself to do creates a toll on my mind. I feel like I am letting myself down. I feel that I am quite hard on myself and letting myself observe this phenomenon occur in my life was and is quite profound. I am observing first and for most the resistance, there is a reason it is present, and over time, I have been able to see the traits in me that my being is fighting. Once again, part of this learning journey is to get out of our own way and this is exactly what I am observing in myself, I am creating my own resistance. This all comes out in the perspective that I have a hard time to be gentle with myself, my body is not ready to push itself in the breath like I was once doing. I must learn to go through the motions of life in a much gentler way. I can still breath without needing to go to the depth of my discomfort. There is no need for always pushing the machine at 100%, actually, this is not sustainable.
Connecting the dots… I like this Steve Jobs quote: you can only connect the dots looking backwards, you can never connect the dots looking forward. The impact of my last breathwork journeys and this almost month-long break from this practice allows me to connect and learn more about myself. I think that the biggest impact that these breathwork sessions had on me was the depth that they had on my entire system while remaining quite gentle, not forceful. The journey with this realization has a huge parallel on my life, sometimes you can only reach deep part of yourself by bringing gentleness. In my instance, my body created an armor that did not allow me to reach those important depth of self discovery.
I feel like I must also share that there is a deep interconnected relation between the trust that I have for this Universe, for myself and this discovery journey. Giving myself a break, giving myself the time to breath and reassess, continuing certain aspect of my daily practice, integrating, studying and presently writing these words, is all part of that personal healing, integrative journey. I feel more empowered and ready to breath than I did throughout the whole month… I feel like this month has allowed me to transform my view of myself, and in the meantime, transform my view of this Universe. I am more equipped to meet myself the way I need to… I guess this is why I am on this journey, to surrender myself to this unknown truth…