Feelings are much like waves: we can’t stop them from coming, but we can choose which one to surf. I like quotes about the ocean and waves because I feel a deep connection between this metaphor and my own personal feelings in life. The only thing I would add about this quote is: “and sometimes you get wipeout”.
It is interesting to follow this personal healing journey with these blogs that I write for myself. They allow me to summarize month by month my process and where I feel I am in regards of my own journey. This month for example, I know that a lot has been happening even if I took some time to laid back and rest which was much needed. That being said, with all the hard work that I have been putting in the last couple of months and the magnificent progress that I know is happening in my personal, professional and spiritual life, I still have been experiencing bitter feelings.
I believe, and sometimes also hope, that these personal hardships, when everything is moving in a good direction, happens to everyone. Writing this down also makes me see a certain amount of insanity present within this statement… so who knows, I am still human.
The reason I started this month’s blog with a wave metaphor or an ocean one, is that this month has been slower for me, not so many waves, just calm and peace. I feel like it is important for me to share about this state because I find it easy to justify myself on the highs and the lows, but the neutral moments, the calm between two sets of waves is a brutal challenge for me. I have been observing this within myself for a while now. I was the same on my pilgrimage, on the trail, I could easily flow and enjoy the uphill’s ad down hills, but when it was flat, oh my god, I just wanted to get out of there. Through those ups, down and flat, I have been learning a lot and it allowed me to shine light upon dark corners of myself.
In this personal observation, what I am observing is the need of my ego to classify what I “like” and “dislike” in my experience. I can clearly observe that I am heading exactly where I want. Peeling an onion layer by layer, I am happy that I am finding myself more and more comfortable in this inner turbulence, or wipeout, thrown a me by my own ego, my own mind. In these moments, I can always come back to my daily practices, knowing that it will ground me, it will appease me, whether this looks like a 5- or 30-minutes meditation, or a full Conscious Connected Breathwork, a strong or gentle yoga session, a hike in nature, a warm cup of cacao or just a good conversation with a friend or a family member. I believe we all have this inner knowing in regards of how to regulate ourselves, the challenge is to do it when our inner child is in a “no” phase, not wanting to do anything. That’s where our inner parent must come out and dictate the flow of our needs, knowing what is best for us. In that balance of nurturing our inner child with our inner parent, we learn valuable life lessons that I believe are full of love, creating compassion for ourselves but for everyone around us, resulting in a world with just a little bit more love, one day at a time.